Embracing Uncertainty: The Key to Embracing Life

The Illusion of Control

We like to believe we’re in control. We make plans, set goals, and structure our lives around the expectation that things will unfold the way we anticipate. And yet, as I’ve learned—from both my work as a death doula and my own life—control is fleeting. If we hold onto it too tightly, life has a way of blindsiding us. But rather than fearing uncertainty, what if we embraced it as an essential part of living?

“As soon as you think you’re in control of this game, blindsided.”

This lesson from Survivor (I’ve recently been making my way through all 47 seasons, which I’ve never seen before!) holds true in life as well: we are always in flux. The more we embrace that, the more fully we can live.

Blindsided: When The World Changed Overnight

In 2020, I had a plan. I was ready to launch into a new life—travel, a job abroad, financial stability. I was living in Colorado, working at a recreational resort and not responsible for anyone but myself. I was making decent money, I was coming into myself by leaving my home state, going on my own, and forging into a plan I’d never seen anyone I know do before. I thought I was ready for my uncertain future. And then, in the span of days, everything fell apart. A pandemic swept in, my job disappeared, my housing vanished, and I was left scrambling.

I moved in with someone I barely knew. (This turned out to be the decision that gave me the most confidence. The most wild thing to do but one of the best decisions through this wild ride.) I survived off of unemployment. I made choices that, in hindsight, feel surreal. And yet, looking back, I can see how all of it was necessary for my growth.

I learned that I can survive anything. I can adapt without losing myself. I can stay true to who I am, even when everything around me is shifting.

But more than that, I learned a truth I had long resisted: I am never truly in control, and that’s okay.

The Transformative Power of Uncertainty

At its core, uncertainty is what makes life alive. If everything were predictable, there would be no growth, no transformation, no real experiences of becoming.

I see this all the time in this role as a death worker. People try to fight against the inevitable, the loss, the grief. They fear death because it is unknowable. But the truth is, everything is unknowable. Even our next breath is uncertain.

So how do we live with that? How do we make peace with the fact that we don’t know how long we have, how things will turn out, or what is coming next?

We prepare for life by living it now.

• Instead of fearing death, we can focus on making our time meaningful.

• Instead of waiting for certainty, we can take action in the present moment.

• Instead of clinging to a fixed identity, we can allow ourselves to evolve.

The more we resist uncertainty, the more we suffer. But when we lean into it, we open ourselves to possibility.

Reframing Stability: What Does It Really Mean?

For most of my life, I thought stability meant certainty. It meant knowing what to expect, having solid plans, feeling like the ground beneath me wouldn’t shift.

But after losing my grandparents in my early twenties—my foundation—I realized stability is something different. Stability isn’t about controlling outcomes. It’s about being grounded in myself, no matter what happens.

For me, stability now means:
✅ Knowing I can regulate myself through routine and self-care.
✅ Trusting in my ability to navigate change.
✅ Being flexible enough to adapt when life shifts.

It doesn’t mean life will never feel chaotic. It just means I know how to hold steady in the storm.

The Beginner’s Mind: Leaning Into Growth

One of the hardest parts of embracing uncertainty is allowing ourselves to be beginners—to do things that feel difficult, uncomfortable, or unfamiliar.

Lately, I’ve been reminded of this through:

• Starting a new job after years of being self- and fun-employed.

• Learning how to navigate relationships in ways I never had to before.

• Redefining myself among an ever-increasingly harsh world.

At first, these things felt overwhelming. But every time I’ve allowed myself to lean into the discomfort, I’ve grown.

I’ve learned that resisting struggle doesn’t prevent it—it just prolongs it. The sooner I allow myself to be in the experience fully, the sooner I integrate it.

What Would It Look Like to Fully Embrace Uncertainty?

If I’ve learned anything, it’s that uncertainty isn’t something to be feared. It’s something to be lived.

Rather than asking, How can I control my life? I ask, How can I live my life more fully, knowing nothing is guaranteed?

Rather than fearing loss, I embrace the present. Rather than fighting change, I open myself to what’s possible.

Because in the end, we are all living with uncertainty. The only question is: Are we resisting it, or are we embracing it?

How to Plan for a Loved One’s Care Without Losing Yourself in the Process

Preparing Is an Act of Love—For Them and for You

Caregiving can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to consume your life. Whether you're stepping into the role of caring for an aging parent, a sick partner, or a disabled loved one, the emotional and practical weight of it all can feel crushing—especially if you weren’t prepared for it. If you’re like most people, you didn’t plan for this.

But here’s the truth: Caregiving is a natural part of life, and preparing for it is one of the greatest acts of love you can offer—not just to your loved one, but to yourself. Instead of trial by fire, let’s build a plan together—one that allows you to provide the care they need while still protecting your time, energy, and peace of mind.

The Reality of Future Caregiving: It’s Coming, Whether You’re Ready or Not

Most people don’t think about caregiving until they’re in the middle of it. It’s not typically part of their life plan. But whether it’s a slow progression or a sudden event, at some point, you may find yourself in the position of caring for someone you love.

When I stepped into caregiving support for my grandmother, I didn’t resist it—I accepted it. And while it gave me a profound sense of purpose, it also brought a tidal wave of emotions: love, exhaustion, gratitude, resentment, connection, and loneliness—often all at once.

If you’re facing caregiving, know this: Your emotions are valid. All of them. The highs, the lows, the contradictions. And you are not alone in feeling them.

But if I could go back and give myself one gift before I took on that role, it would be a plan.

Planning ahead wouldn’t have erased the challenges, but it would have made everything more manageable. It would have allowed me to step into caregiving with confidence instead of exhaustion, with intention instead of panic.

And that’s what I want for you.

Creating a Plan That Honors Both of You

If you’re facing—or even just anticipating—a caregiving role, the best thing you can do is prepare now, while you’re clear-headed, before a crisis forces your hand.

Start with these essential steps:

✅ Understand medical and daily care needs.

• Learn about mobility limitations, infection control, bedsores, and toileting needs before you’re in the thick of it.

• Educate yourself on the realities of long-term care so you're not scrambling when the time comes.

✅ Have the hard conversations.

• Ask your loved ones where their important documents are, what their preferences are, and who they trust to make decisions.

• Help them put a care plan in place so you’re not left guessing.

✅ Practice small caregiving acts now.

• Check in on a friend regularly, bring meals, or attend a doctor’s appointment with them.

• Get comfortable with the role in small ways before it becomes a major responsibility.

When we treat caregiving as something that only happens to us, we’re left unprepared. But when we choose to engage with it intentionally, we create better experiences for everyone involved. Preparing in advance isn’t just a kindness to your loved one—it’s an act of love for yourself, too.

Preventing Caregiver Burnout Before It Starts

Even with preparation, caregiving is hard. The last thing your loved one wants is for you to burn yourself out taking care of them. That’s why your well-being has to be part of the plan.

Here’s how to keep caregiving sustainable:

🔹 Build a network of support.

• You can’t do it alone. Involve family, friends, and professionals early.

• Set up clear expectations about who is responsible for what.

🔹 Take care of yourself like it’s your job.

• Get your bloodwork done. Move your body. Eat well. Sleep.

• Laugh. Cry. Feel all of it.

🔹 Set boundaries before you need them.

• Be honest about what you’re willing to do.

• If hands-on care isn’t for you, there are still ways to support your loved one (coordinating care, managing finances, organizing legacy projects).

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to caregiving. But if you don’t think about your limits now, someone else will set them for you later.

The best way

to be a good caregiver

is to make sure you don’t

disappear in the process.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Caregiving is an enormous responsibility, but you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself. Preparing ahead of time gives you the power to care for your loved one in a way that feels sustainable—not overwhelming. It allows you to show up with love instead of resentment, with confidence instead of fear.

Whether you’re just starting to think about your role or you’re already deep in the process, I hope this post inspires you to start some conversations—whether with your loved ones directly or with me.

Do thy worst…

… but not really! Let me explain.

I have the above pictured poem excerpt from John Dryden posted up in my bedroom and I contemplate it daily.

You see, I deal with anxiety. I get wrapped up in the future, in what’s left unfinished… to say the least… a LOT. So to healthfully cope with that, I’ve worked diligently to focus on my priorities, and further, make sure my priorities are what I truly value and not what I or others or society thinks I SHOULD value.

I need proper rest and to rise with true motivation in the morning, so I need to know that what I’m doing with my day is vital, is positive, is something I value. In doing this, I am able to fully claim each day as my own, knowing that when I go to bed, I’ve done my best. Now, I’m not perfect. Some things remain undone. Some things remain unsaid. That’s the ebb and flow of life. But the really vital stuff? The stuff that I can do and person I can be throughout the day to know I’ve not wasted away precious time? That’s what I focus on.

And so, with this quote, I am reminded to fully, really live each day. That I choose what I value, what my priorities are, and how I spend my time. That I may not always get it right, but I will surely try my best and each day keep going.

I wish for that for all of my clients.

xo