Embracing Uncertainty: The Key to Embracing Life

The Illusion of Control

We like to believe we’re in control. We make plans, set goals, and structure our lives around the expectation that things will unfold the way we anticipate. And yet, as I’ve learned—from both my work as a death doula and my own life—control is fleeting. If we hold onto it too tightly, life has a way of blindsiding us. But rather than fearing uncertainty, what if we embraced it as an essential part of living?

“As soon as you think you’re in control of this game, blindsided.”

This lesson from Survivor (I’ve recently been making my way through all 47 seasons, which I’ve never seen before!) holds true in life as well: we are always in flux. The more we embrace that, the more fully we can live.

Blindsided: When The World Changed Overnight

In 2020, I had a plan. I was ready to launch into a new life—travel, a job abroad, financial stability. I was living in Colorado, working at a recreational resort and not responsible for anyone but myself. I was making decent money, I was coming into myself by leaving my home state, going on my own, and forging into a plan I’d never seen anyone I know do before. I thought I was ready for my uncertain future. And then, in the span of days, everything fell apart. A pandemic swept in, my job disappeared, my housing vanished, and I was left scrambling.

I moved in with someone I barely knew. (This turned out to be the decision that gave me the most confidence. The most wild thing to do but one of the best decisions through this wild ride.) I survived off of unemployment. I made choices that, in hindsight, feel surreal. And yet, looking back, I can see how all of it was necessary for my growth.

I learned that I can survive anything. I can adapt without losing myself. I can stay true to who I am, even when everything around me is shifting.

But more than that, I learned a truth I had long resisted: I am never truly in control, and that’s okay.

The Transformative Power of Uncertainty

At its core, uncertainty is what makes life alive. If everything were predictable, there would be no growth, no transformation, no real experiences of becoming.

I see this all the time in this role as a death worker. People try to fight against the inevitable, the loss, the grief. They fear death because it is unknowable. But the truth is, everything is unknowable. Even our next breath is uncertain.

So how do we live with that? How do we make peace with the fact that we don’t know how long we have, how things will turn out, or what is coming next?

We prepare for life by living it now.

• Instead of fearing death, we can focus on making our time meaningful.

• Instead of waiting for certainty, we can take action in the present moment.

• Instead of clinging to a fixed identity, we can allow ourselves to evolve.

The more we resist uncertainty, the more we suffer. But when we lean into it, we open ourselves to possibility.

Reframing Stability: What Does It Really Mean?

For most of my life, I thought stability meant certainty. It meant knowing what to expect, having solid plans, feeling like the ground beneath me wouldn’t shift.

But after losing my grandparents in my early twenties—my foundation—I realized stability is something different. Stability isn’t about controlling outcomes. It’s about being grounded in myself, no matter what happens.

For me, stability now means:
✅ Knowing I can regulate myself through routine and self-care.
✅ Trusting in my ability to navigate change.
✅ Being flexible enough to adapt when life shifts.

It doesn’t mean life will never feel chaotic. It just means I know how to hold steady in the storm.

The Beginner’s Mind: Leaning Into Growth

One of the hardest parts of embracing uncertainty is allowing ourselves to be beginners—to do things that feel difficult, uncomfortable, or unfamiliar.

Lately, I’ve been reminded of this through:

• Starting a new job after years of being self- and fun-employed.

• Learning how to navigate relationships in ways I never had to before.

• Redefining myself among an ever-increasingly harsh world.

At first, these things felt overwhelming. But every time I’ve allowed myself to lean into the discomfort, I’ve grown.

I’ve learned that resisting struggle doesn’t prevent it—it just prolongs it. The sooner I allow myself to be in the experience fully, the sooner I integrate it.

What Would It Look Like to Fully Embrace Uncertainty?

If I’ve learned anything, it’s that uncertainty isn’t something to be feared. It’s something to be lived.

Rather than asking, How can I control my life? I ask, How can I live my life more fully, knowing nothing is guaranteed?

Rather than fearing loss, I embrace the present. Rather than fighting change, I open myself to what’s possible.

Because in the end, we are all living with uncertainty. The only question is: Are we resisting it, or are we embracing it?