Journal
Embracing Uncertainty: The Key to Embracing Life
The Illusion of Control
We like to believe we’re in control. We make plans, set goals, and structure our lives around the expectation that things will unfold the way we anticipate. And yet, as I’ve learned—from both my work as a death doula and my own life—control is fleeting. If we hold onto it too tightly, life has a way of blindsiding us. But rather than fearing uncertainty, what if we embraced it as an essential part of living?
“As soon as you think you’re in control of this game, blindsided.”
This lesson from Survivor (I’ve recently been making my way through all 47 seasons, which I’ve never seen before!) holds true in life as well: we are always in flux. The more we embrace that, the more fully we can live.
Blindsided: When The World Changed Overnight
In 2020, I had a plan. I was ready to launch into a new life—travel, a job abroad, financial stability. I was living in Colorado, working at a recreational resort and not responsible for anyone but myself. I was making decent money, I was coming into myself by leaving my home state, going on my own, and forging into a plan I’d never seen anyone I know do before. I thought I was ready for my uncertain future. And then, in the span of days, everything fell apart. A pandemic swept in, my job disappeared, my housing vanished, and I was left scrambling.
I moved in with someone I barely knew. (This turned out to be the decision that gave me the most confidence. The most wild thing to do but one of the best decisions through this wild ride.) I survived off of unemployment. I made choices that, in hindsight, feel surreal. And yet, looking back, I can see how all of it was necessary for my growth.
I learned that I can survive anything. I can adapt without losing myself. I can stay true to who I am, even when everything around me is shifting.
But more than that, I learned a truth I had long resisted: I am never truly in control, and that’s okay.
The Transformative Power of Uncertainty
At its core, uncertainty is what makes life alive. If everything were predictable, there would be no growth, no transformation, no real experiences of becoming.
I see this all the time in this role as a death worker. People try to fight against the inevitable, the loss, the grief. They fear death because it is unknowable. But the truth is, everything is unknowable. Even our next breath is uncertain.
So how do we live with that? How do we make peace with the fact that we don’t know how long we have, how things will turn out, or what is coming next?
We prepare for life by living it now.
Instead of fearing death, we can focus on making our time meaningful.
Instead of waiting for certainty, we can take action in the present moment.
Instead of clinging to a fixed identity, we can allow ourselves to evolve.
The more we resist uncertainty, the more we suffer. But when we lean into it, we open ourselves to possibility.
Reframing Stability: What Does It Really Mean?
For most of my life, I thought stability meant certainty. It meant knowing what to expect, having solid plans, feeling like the ground beneath me wouldn’t shift.
But after losing my grandparents in my early twenties—my foundation—I realized stability is something different. Stability isn’t about controlling outcomes. It’s about being grounded in myself, no matter what happens.
For me, stability now means:
✅ Knowing I can regulate myself through routine and self-care.
✅ Trusting in my ability to navigate change.
✅ Being flexible enough to adapt when life shifts.
It doesn’t mean life will never feel chaotic. It just means I know how to hold steady in the storm.
The Beginner’s Mind: Leaning Into Growth
One of the hardest parts of embracing uncertainty is allowing ourselves to be beginners—to do things that feel difficult, uncomfortable, or unfamiliar.
Lately, I’ve been reminded of this through:
Starting a new job after years of being self- and fun-employed.
Learning how to navigate relationships in ways I never had to before.
Redefining myself among an ever-increasingly harsh world.
At first, these things felt overwhelming. But every time I’ve allowed myself to lean into the discomfort, I’ve grown.
I’ve learned that resisting struggle doesn’t prevent it—it just prolongs it. The sooner I allow myself to be in the experience fully, the sooner I integrate it.
What Would It Look Like to Fully Embrace Uncertainty?
If I’ve learned anything, it’s that uncertainty isn’t something to be feared. It’s something to be lived.
Rather than asking, How can I control my life? I ask, How can I live my life more fully, knowing nothing is guaranteed?
Rather than fearing loss, I embrace the present. Rather than fighting change, I open myself to what’s possible.
Because in the end, we are all living with uncertainty. The only question is: Are we resisting it, or are we embracing it?
Why You Should Review Your Life
I studied ancient philosophy my freshmen year of undergrad and so much of it has stuck with me. In particular, this phrase is spouted by so, so many, but I wonder often how many people who mention it really internalize the wisdom held within this phrase.
To be sure, this phrase was mentioned when Socrates was on trial and chose death over being exiled in a situation that would prevent him from continuing his intellectual pursuits, as pursuing intellect and wisdom through is philosophical method of logic was of highest importance in his life.
So. Knowing that, how can we apply this phrase and philosophy to our own life? I’ve seen many people apply it in such a way that continued self-examination, therapy, deep work is necessary to live their lives. I believe this is admirable, but a little beside the point. I believe the point is that we should first know what our passion is, our purpose for living, the thing that lights us up, and then live into THAT. I believe that floating through life without direction, intention, or positive motivation is akin to already being dead.
THAT is why I think it’s important to review our lives. I don’t think you need to spend every waking moment trying to figure out what’s wrong with you, what you need to fix, pouring over the past and painstakingly analyzing what the future could bring. I’ve tried that. Trust me, it’s exhausting and only produces anxiety and guilt in the end. At least, that was my experience.
I think you should review your life in a way that you can understand your values and go forward in a meaningful-to-you way. Everyone’s passions, purposes and values are different and so how everyone makes decisions about their lives and their experiences is different. That’s why I don’t work in a set formula and why I set my sessions to last between one and two hours with clients. Some people need the full two hours to think things out, to hear different perspectives, and bounce ideas back and forth. Some people do better thinking on their own (like me) and like to be sparked for inspiration in sessions and then come back to the next one to share discoveries and learn how to take their own work further.
So really why do I think you should review your life? Definitely because I don’t want you floating around already practically dead. But also because
I want you to feel a sense of purpose.
I want gratitude to come easily to you. I want you to feel present and open and aware of your precious existence each day and intentionally create your beautiful life into something that leaves your little corner of the world better than it was when you came into it. I want you to be real about your wisdom and what it is that you lack and be compassionate with others, knowing they’re just doing their best, too.
I want you to feel free to create and explore and love and ask and learn in the world and know that none of it is wasting your time because everything you choose is deliberate and intentional and in line with your values and the life you CHOOSE to live, not floating through and doing what you’re “supposed to do” and not just accepting what happens to you in this life.
Contact me with your thoughts or questions.
xo